On Family

Family is very confusing. This statement carries with it a lot of weight and to fully flesh out the thought process would take longer then my allotted time right now. To start with a little background, the past few days have been hectic. It's been the weddings of my two most frequent readers, and probably two of the most important people in my life; my cousins Aseem and Shabina. Going into the semantics of which ceremony is which, who's getting what going where with who isn't so important, but suffice to say it's been one of the more eventful weekends of my life.

Without getting too teary-eyed or anything, tonight was one of the events for my younger cousin of the two, Aseem. He's 11 months older then me and I've known him my whole life and being that we were the two closest age-wise and geography-wise it led to much closeness. Today during the event I was asked to say a few words about him to fill time. I refused firstly because I didn't know what to say, and secondly because I don't consider myself a big public speaker. So instead his roommate said a few words and shared funny anecdotes. I don't regret that decision, even though there've been a lot of times in my life where I've wondered what I'd say if I were put in this exact situation. Instead however, I elected to say nothing for fear of not getting it right, and for fear of losing composure, due to the importance of saying the right words. I text messaged him a little later and told him that since I didn't get a chance to say what I wanted to say up there that I'd say it here and hopefully it'd reach the right people, which I'm sure it will. (These two very important people as stated earlier are this sites most faithful patrons). I figured if I said something it would have been along the lines of:

My name is Tosif Khatri, and I'm Aseem's first cousin. I've known him my whole life and the two of us have grown up together. It's really funny for me to introduce myself up here as Aseem's cousin, because there was a time when I would get upset at that title. My whole life I've been known as Aseem's cousin, and a lot of people that know me, know me as his cousin, rather then as Tosif. I used to be a little annoyed that I was kind of in his shadow a little bit, but I always knew why people would call me by that title, and it wasn't because we have the same nose. And chin. And eyes. (We have different skin complexion and he's an inch or two taller so you can still tell us apart.) It was because so many people knew him, and knew him well. He's always been everyone's best friend and one of the most popular people I know. It didn't really take me long however to figure out that I shouldn't be upset that he's my cousin. Instead now I say it with the utmost pride, because he's probably hands down the most amazing person I've ever been blessed to know in my life, and I say (type) that with the utmost sincerity. To sit here and describe his traits wouldn't do him justice, and you'd just have to speak to him for only a few minutes to know he's anything but ordinary.

This past year or so I've had the pleasure of meeting Sabrina as well. It's hard to see one of them without the other lately, and at first glance one might think that I'd be upset that it's hard to even get more then a handful of words alone with him, but to tell the truth I couldn't be happier. I for one have never seen him so ecstatic in my life, and to see that just puts a smile on my face. Anyone that can do that is more then welcome and I really sincerely hope that it never stops. I don't think I've learned so much from anyone else outside my immediate family, and I am simply for once at a loss for words, (even here in my own blogging domain) for really appropriate words to say. You share the same blood as me and that is one of the greatest privileges I've ever been granted in my life, so thanks for that.

As for Shabina bhen, her guy is cool, but he's got a funny last name. He has a lot of cool friends, and I'm glad I got to meet Omar, as well as Adnan, both Imrans, Ghazali, Fawaad, Bilal and Osama. (Hope I didn't spell anyone's name wrong). They play World of Warcraft and Guild Wars so they're probably cooler then Sabrina, but she's still cool too. I was going to expand on the family being confusing thing but I'll plead laziness and maybe (hopefully?) come back to talking about that later. I'm moving to Battle Creek tomorrow so sleep is probably a good idea. You're all in my Du'as and I only hope and pray for bigger and better things for all of us.

You can't tell me what to do!

One unsettling notion to me is the ideal of freedom. Now I'm sure reading that sentence will strike you as a red flag in itself. In the recent times, I've learned that freedom is only great in certain contexts. I'm only speaking on my behalf, but I've noted now that at times I'm thankful to have some sort of obligation.

Like any person, I also want to amount to something in my life. I want to make a difference. That's a given. But without some sort of obligation, without some sort of grounding to tie oneself down, its hard if at all possible to get there. Thats I think where the term "keeps them grounded" comes in to play. We all need something to keep us grounded from flying away with that liberty. The dictionary has a handful of definitions for freedom, but the one that really stuck out to me was

The absence of or release from ties, obligations, etc.

It's obviously hard for me to say any of this since I'm sure I'm very much taking that hugely overarching concept of freedom for granted, and its by no means a concept that can be summarized in a few paragraphs. It's been something fought for for countless ages from the supposed oppressed, be it because of religion, race, gender, whatever. But (as with all things) it comes with a limit. We've all heard how the west idealizes excess, and I think that's true with absolute freedom as well. We as Americans, think that we should do basically whatever we want. That we shouldn't listen to anyone. What kind of logic is that? That no one knows whats good for us except ourselves? That no one is knowledgable as far as my affairs are concerned except for me? I don't completely buy into that notion.

Of course there's legal limits in place that means we have to listen to police officers when what they're telling us to do is reasonable. There are moral and ethical limits in place (for most of us) that say that we must listen to our parents. We should have a certain amount of respect for our friends/colleagues, and a good way to exhibit that is by listening to them and doing as they say. Of course as we go further down the chain of important people in our lives the importance of what they say dwindles, but not necessarily rightfully so. Sometimes the one that provides the best advice is the one that provides the freshest advice. The reason Google does so well is because it has so much young talent. Obviously we shouldn't always listen to the advice of people who aren't so close to us, but we should give them an ear, and consider what they say. And weigh it against our own conscience and moral upbringings. Had every decision we ever made been this thought out, I'm fairly sure we would have made far fewer mistakes in our lives, but its obviously not always that convenient to make the right decision.

Back to what I was saying, I think its important for us to not take the ideal of freedom to an extreme. When a friend suggests something to you, maybe instead of shrugging it off as a "Whatever, I'll do what I want and you can't tell me otherwise!" (A totally American concept to begin with) we should have enough respect to weigh the words of those who weigh upon our minds. Weight isn't always a bad thing, because without it you'd just fly off into outer space. So too can you not simply fly away with the joy of freedom. There is joy in obligation as well, a oft forgotten tidbit. Soldiers join the army for the obligation of protecting their company. People get into relationships for the obligation of being there for someone, and letting someone be there for them. People follow religion for the obligation of having a guiding light in their lives and listening to it, instead of wandering aimlessly in the dark.

So why this sudden reflection on liberty and obligation? Why am I complaining that we take our freedoms too far? Because I'm in college! Where freedom is taken to a whole 'nother plane. Where we frequently experience things we'd never consider had we lived with our parents! But I also feel like I've been forcing my obligations on a friend of mine, and I want to apologize for that. It does hurt pretty badly when they say things like "whatever, I'll do what I want and I don't care what you think", but maybe they view themselves as some sort of freedom fighter trying to fight off an oppressive foreign entity (like myself).

Sound familiar? I certainly hope so, because its the same story told time and time again. Take any great work of literature, Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, most of the Final Fantasy games (maybe not the greatest works of literature) but their supposed clear defining whats good and evil is what appeals to people. Maybe it's not so simple in the end though. Maybe both sides had/have a good point, and deserve a second look. And maybe theres more to liberty then what it seems like at face value.

Balance is the Key

One of the important things that I try and hark on a lot is how I think that it's important for all of us to try and strive to maintain or achieve balance in our lives. Balance in all aspects, whether it be school, time having fun, sleeping, eating, reading, you name it. Islam also talks about how everything that is permissible to you should be done in moderation. It's not really ever expressly defined what that balance is for any one particular thing, but one would think that it would make sense for it to be to the point that it benefits your overall wellbeing the most and while harming you the least. It is a thin line to walk with certain things, and it seems to be that the closer on the haraam-o-meter it is to haraam, the more likely it is that that line will be even thinner.

Balance is such an important issue, and it's one that we college students don't seem to be expressly fond of, at least as much as we should be. Taco Bell will only sustain you for so many meals, you can only spend so much time playing video games, and you can only go so many days without showering (don't worry, for me that one's a zero). It's so important, that the whole entire theme of the last ISNA conference was "achieving balance in faith, family, and community." These are life lessons that we can benefit from as a whole, lessons that we can apply to all other facets of our lives.

Balance is a very human characteristic to pursue, it's one that is very attractive to people. I've heard it said that one of the stand out characteristics defining whether or not a person is physically attractive is their symmetry for example. Symmetry is something few people have, and Brad Pitt himself has been analyzed as being good looking largely based on his "symmetric face." Why then, if symmetry and balance are such important characteristics to possess, that virtually every relationship a person will experience in the course of their life is that of an assymetric one?

If you are to stop and think about all the relationships you have, how many can you honestly state are symmetric? A relationship between a mother and a son, a father and a daughter is almost always a one sided one, especially in desi culture. How often is it that the parents are thinking constantly, worrying constantly about their kids, while we run around looking for other people to fill that void we've generated by not trying to balance the love our parents have for us. Extend this to relationships between men and women, ones that I've seen (not necessarily experienced, don't worry) are also very assymetric. There tends to be one member of the relationship that cares more, thinks more of the other. It's commonly to the point that the two argue over who cares about who more, when in reality its frequently a rather one sided affair, just not something you can readily show, not without looking weird at least. By that I mean you can't just show someone how much/often you think of them if you think you're the one that thinks more, or at least we as a culture tend to not want to.

It's a sorry state we live in where we think so little of others, and are so unwilling to do for others what we'd like done for us. We're so occupied with our iPods, our homework, our classes, and our material futures that we forget to really pay attention to the one aspect that many sorely lack; Our friends and family. Take that five minutes to call your parents to let them know you care too, don't wait for them to call you. Take initiative, do something nice for someone just so they know you're thinking about them. If they think you're weird, so what? I'd think that they'd appreciate the gesture deep down. No one wants to be forgotten, so why not do our best to remember?

Vibes

Humans have this weird ability to create something out of nothing. It causes problems for us, and is generally a step backwards in what I've dubbed our continuing "quest for clarity." We're always trying to figure things out, allow for things to make sense, and searching for peace, calm, tranquility, and that zen-one-ness stuff that people talk about. It's not necessarily something that me putting to words would do justice, so just bare with me, and take to heart and cherish any peace of mind you get, for its a rare thing in this day and age. John Mayer has a great song about his quest for clarity... properly enough it is indeed entitled Clarity:

I worry, I weigh three times my body,
I worry, I throw my fear around.
But this morning, There's a calm I can't explain.
The rock candy's melted, only diamonds now remain.

Yesterday I had called one of my friends to see whether or not they wanted to watch The Hills at one of my other friend's places. It's become somewhat of a tradition that I go over there on Wednesday nights to see what LC's latest shenanigans entail, and pretty much the best thing to look forward to on a crappy rainy Wednesday when you're stuck at work. They said they didn't particularly want to go, but further pestering and nosey-ness (I got a big nose to be nosey with mind you) procured from them that they were under the impression that friend A, the one who's apartment I was going over, didn't really like them. The ever-so-hard question of "why" that they thought that resulted in an answer of "I dunno, I get a vibe."

Are you serious? That's the best you can come up with? I understand that some people prefer to act on gut instincts and notions without much solid to go off of, but jumping off the jello of conjecture is going to do little more then land you in a puddle of drama. This is what I mean when I say humans have a weird ability to make something out of nothing. I'd like to know what exactly it was that caused my friend to feel that way, knowing both friend A and friend B, and knowing that regularly they're both very down to earth, reasonable, mellow, kind hearted people.

I should be careful about condemning this person though for doing that I realize, for I too am guilty of the crime of "I don't think this person really likes me." The difference though is that I try not to let that affect my ability to function, I'll still go watch The Hills with that person. I mean... it's The Hills after all... IT'S LC! All I'm really getting at though is that this kind of interaction between humans is rather silly, and "totally high school" if I may put it so valley girl-ish-ly. As if.

Unreliability, again?!

Progress is a funny word. It's usage as defined by the dictionary is "Movement, as toward a goal; advance." I certainly don't feel like too much of that is happening. Or rather, it is, but it's more of the 1-step-forward, 2-steps-backward variety. Keeping this as ambiguous as possible (for no conspicuous reason at all) a lot of times I feel like I'm putting a lot of effort into something, only to receive a very disproportionate amount in return. This is true of a lot of different things, such as fixing computers, studying, or even outside of academia in such vastly explored fields such as working on relationships. It always feels like I have to put in all kinds of time, all kinds of thought, all kinds of commitment into something, only to receive a very frustrating Blue Screen of Death (a very common occurence in olden times, now formally replaced by slightly less scary error messages with pretty "submit report" buttons that don't do much), or for me to forget those last three slides from lecture notes and have to go over them again, or for me go through a lot of effort securing a ride home from Lansing with a friend, make sure to call them four or five times, and get left with an "OH SHOOT I FORGOT, want me to turn around?"

It brings me to my point, which is that very few things, if any at all, are reliable. I've pointed it out before I'm sure, and I'm also fairly sure that I'm probably just unnecessarily complaining and hearking on an old beaten horse, but it's my blog and I'll cry if I want to. But frankly, few machines are reliable, few processes are gaurenteed to not break down, and very few people are reliable. It sucks though when you're someone like me for example, who is constantly forced to rely on people, only to be let down, again and again and again. Maybe I shouldn't let it get to me, maybe I should just brush it off a la Jay Z, and there's a good chance that me talking about it right now is making it worse, but I'd rather have my feelings down to reflect on later then not. I don't like that I don't really have a solid foundation to stand on, and that everything around me is very shaky at best. Tis the life of a college student I guess though. I'm still waiting for a friend to call me back who fifteen minutes ago said they'd call me back in five.

Bound by Intangibles

Honor is a very difficult ideal to describe. It’s a very difficult ideal to obtain, in part due to the difficulty to define it. I’ve found myself lately concerned with trying to be more “honorable”, more reliable, more Will Turner then Jack Sparrow. Today I went and saw the second pirates movie, during which I started to notice a lot of the different motifs popping up (my eleventh grade English teacher would be proud). The main motifs that I was concerned with though was that of honor, and that of the dichotomy of good and evil that a man can possess. It’s really interesting, because in particular with the second theme, I had noticed that there’s a part where the pirates are visiting this shamanistic woman/witch, that she asks them what it is that drives all men crazy, and the pirates all threw out a bunch of relevant answers, including gold, freedom, and one of the slightly less bright pirates said something about pondering about the dichotomy of good and evil in man. I kind of enjoyed that small little quip, regardless of if the pointing out the significance was actually intended or not. Either way, the main driving force behind the movie to me was the idea of honor. How do attain it? It’s interesting since it seems to go hand-in-hand with this shirt I got from Express a while back (great sales lately, thank god for my mom buying all the 14-14.5 1MX shirts she can find) that had this great quote on it. In fact, that gives me an idea; Instead of writing a long winded post about what exactly honor is, I’ll just list a bunch of examples that I think would qualify as honorable acts, starting with the quote from the shirt.

“To rule is not to reign but to garner respect, to lead by example and not by show of force. It is the involvement in the affairs of others and not meddling in them. This will pave the way to honor and once you attain honor, you should never once let it go.”

Honor is not telling your friend that you’ll come pick them up in half an hour, honor is telling them you’ll pick them up in half an hour and actually showing up.

Honor is the ability to hold your tongue about what you perceive as an individual’s flaws when you are in the company of others.

Honor is not having to smoke a cigarette when your friends are doing it.

Honor is electing to spend the night with your roommate because you realize s/he won’t have anything else to do if you’re to go out with your friends.

Honor is telling your friends not to mess with some stupid girl’s AIM who happens to save her password on a public computer.

Honor is making promises, and fulfilling your promises.

Honor is holding the door open.

Honor is picking up a dirty towel/napkin/tissue and throwing it away so you don’t leave the place in bad condition.

Honor is helping your parents with yard-work without being prompted to do it.

Honor is when someone is humbled that you say the words “I’ll be there” and trusting that you’ll get it done.

Honor is being able to admit when you are wrong.

Honor is picking up that guy’s notebook who dropped it in class and now its ten feet from him and two feet from you.

Now with that small little list of a couple examples, I whole-heartedly realize how idealistic and naïve I sound by saying these things. Words like honor, trust, and friendship all go together like Evan and Jaron, and they’re things I find myself thinking about constantly (also like Evan and Jaron…though I think they were constantly thinking about some girl). Regardless of the idealism, especially in the cynical, sarcastic, Raphael filled world we live in, we should all strive to be Leonardos, and that’s easier when you see other people doing it. I don’t really know where I’m going with this, other then to state that honor is not an empty idea, its something that is very, very, very worthy of pursuing, though unlike the quote on that Express shirt, I don’t think honor is something you can attain. It’s not a measurable quantity, (obviously), and we should always be looking for others to act as beacons of honor. I think this one pirate one time said something like “every man must at one time be tempted to ship out, hoist the black flag, and start slitting throats”, and while that may be true, we should all strive to be Will Turners, not Jack Sparrows. And we should all look for Keira Knightleys.

On a separate note, I’ve started to note that my readership is growing? Not really anything I intended, but it’s definitely really flattering to hear. Who would have thought that someone would want to read this idealistic crap? I sure don’t.

To the limit

Advances in any field are made by those who are knowledgeable in that field. For any field to progress, regardless of it being a scientific field, a sport, a business process, an engineering process, a hobby, anything that can be learned and made progress in, it is almost the responsibility of those on which that field seems unchallenging to create, innovate, and revolutionize. Jordan revolutionized basketball because he was so good at it, because it came so naturally to him. Einstein revolutionized and progressed the field of quantum physics because he understood it so well. Tom Cruise makes a great samurai in The Last Samurai which explains how he helps lead that village of samurais against the evil-bad progressive westernizing Japanese.

As much as humans respect these experts, as much as we hold these individuals on a pedestal and as much as we talk about them, the quality that they possess that I in particular am so fascinated with is the philosophical aspect that they seem to be able to incorporate into their particular expertise. Not only are they the best at what they do, but they are able to go above and beyond what they do. This is in part due to their ability to do it with seemingly less effort, and as a result this is portrayed in their more graceful movements, their larger leaps of logic, their faster moving swords, the things that set them apart from the rest. As this comes with less effort, it takes less concentration for them, and it is something that they concern themselves with less. Instead they are able to focus additionally upon how their craft relates to the human spirit, or how it relates to any other aspect of society at large, and can thus make big, bold, broad statements that seem so simple on the surface but contain allusions to the years and years of practice and mastery that their respective abilities have come from. It is through this dogged pursuit, this neverending quest to better themselves, even beyond the current visible limits, that they are able to break the barrier. They go the extra step.

These individuals provide extreme examples of inspiration for us, and with good reason. We should always be willing to go the extra mile. Mayeb you should concern yourself less with whatever your craft is, take a step back, do some introspection, and consider to yourself whether or not you're in the right field. I remember in high school, the dean of my math and sciences center would always tell me "I don't care what you do, as long as you're the best at it." He's absolutely right too, we should always try and do what we're best in.

Now I'm not trying to say by that that we needn't pursue things that we aren't necessarily the best at. I for example am horribly uncoordinated when it comes to team sports, but even I on occasion will go play some basketball, football, etc. As an aside, personally I prefer football because at least I know I'm not the only one who doesn't play it every freaking day, and thus I stand a chance. But we should never try and neglect what we really excel at, we should always try and continue to practice, learn, research, whatever it is that you do to better understand that specific facet of creation.

Finding out what you're good at is a difficult thing at times, especially since not everyone is willing to try new things. I for example recently found out I'm not as bad as I thought I'd be at ping pong, even though that could have just been a cool little lucky streak I had going on. One of the cliches I've spouted a couple times now has been how college is the time of our lives, when we experiment, find ourselves and all that jazz. This is yet another example of that, but trying to find out what we're good at doesn't have to end with college. Go ice skating at 30, even if its your first time trying. Who knows, you could just be the LeBron James of it.

Like I said though, I personally really enjoy hearing the introspection of these experts on their respective fields. It's awesome to understand how these people think that their crafts relate to every day human activity, and it is through these people that human kind truly progresses. It's a gift from God first and foremost for these people to have this talent of course, and again a gift for them to find their niches, and we must remember to be humble when we master our crafts. Anything you do though, due to the best of your ability, and if you're not the best, you should realize that you've got progress to make. Even if you are the best, you still got room to improve. Make it look easy, make your movements graceful, jump higher, and try fighting those scary Samurai-village-leader's-brothers like Tom Cruise. Did I go too far out with that allusion? I'm not quite sure...

Springtime musings

I'm sitting here in the library, had a rough day, and while I should be studying, what else do I choose to do then sit here and write down my thoughts. I look out the window, and my immediate observation is the torrential downpour that has been surging it's way through Lansing today. I've gotten lucky and missed most of it walking between class, work, and the library, but sitting here viewing the rain out the window it makes you think. There are analogies with the rain that you can draw, how it resembles life, moving so fast one minute, slow the next, coming down on you in a dredge of wishy washy depression, or light, peppering you and keeping you awake, making you feel alive. It's all about perspective, a very sorely missed and not frequently enough implemented idea.

Everyone views things through their own rose colored glasses, and I think I've talked about this before, but I think I'm starting to get better at seeing beauty in things. If not beauty, at least I see symbolism in a lot more things. Sure most of it doesn't really matter, but it is interesting being able to attribute humanistic characteristics to just about everything.

Like right now I look out the window of 1-west and I see Beumont Tower, the library fountain (which is only on in the summer, coincidentally when most people aren't on campus), and the walkway that leads through the grassy section north of the library to the union. The walkway, shrouded with all matter of trees arching over and hanging its branches and littered with all sorts of little puddles, as the rain beats down, creating those cool little plip-plop ripples. Ripple Effect indeed.

But you can attribute more then just that to all these things. The fountain, rising up in the sky, could resemble the human spirit, rising and soaring above the common water that surrounds it. It could symbolize defiance, against the pouring, incessantly pounding rain, another characteristic of the human spirit. It could symbolize how hard in life we strive to reach higher, but in the end just return to the ash/dust/puddle/etc that we came from. (On this note I've never been one to glorify the concept of "the human spirit" or whatever, lest I learn to love humans a wee bit too much). The walkway could symbolize the journey, the trees guarding against the rain could resemble our parents, our religion, our friends, anything that we feel shields us from harm. Beumont Tower? Time passing, a reminder of where this university, where knowledge, where we came from. To remind us to be humble, to remind us to strive for greatness.

People speak about how they go on amazing adventures and go through all sorts of difficulties to seek inspiration. But it is no where farther then simply looking out the window. I'm a whole hearted believer that there is a degree of beauty in just about everything (just about, I'll play it safe and say I'm sure there are exceptions to the rule), but existence, life, everything we know is art. We should strive to make everything we do a form of art, a form of expression. Spring is a great time of year (not my favorite mind you, I've always been more of a "winter"), but there is a certain semblance of magic in the air. Just walking around in great weather brings a smile to my face, and turns my thoughts from sadder ones to happier ones. Seeking happiness in simple things is a lot easier then seeking happiness in complex, hard things that you have to work for, and while I'm not saying we shouldn't strive for happiness in those difficult things, in achieving and doing difficult things, we should also remember the way things are when they're simpler. Simple and Clean. It's an annoying video game J-Pop song, but it's really good. It's a great life lesson too. Life is more enjoyable, and generally easier, when things are simple, and clean. Try to reflect that in your life and you may learn a thing or two.

Hmm, at least the rain is letting up a little bit... Now to wait for Shafi to get here so I can go to Red Robin's and get a frickin sweet sandwich and those gorgeous, endless, seasoned fries. And the freckle-ade? Don't even get me started. Maybe my next set of musings should be on what life would be like without boca substitute... The very thought makes me cringe.