Desperately Wanting
Inane conversation annoys me. I realize it's significance to life, but sometimes I just don't want to hear it. On the same token, I think at times I would prefer that same useless banter that people so frequently spew, as opposed to the odd silence. Odd silences annoy me, to say the least, and I frequently find myself "small-talking" as they call it, if only to avoid the coming awkward silence. This hearkens back to my rant about conversation and how bad I think I am at it, but I also don't think that I'm exactly in the presence of linguistic masterminds. Is that what you would call someone that's real good at conversation?
Regardless, one must be rather confused as to what I'm referring to with inane conversation. There's a broad range of things that it covers, but specifically what I'm speaking about is people who find the incessant need to talk about their classes. I'm unsure as to whether there'll be some poor soul out there who thinks that this post is directly at them, but it's not directed at any specific person. The fact of the matter is though, that I don't really care that you have an exam coming up in three weeks and you're stressed about it. I've always been of the ilk that one seperates their work life and their personal life, at least in the dead-horse-like beaten into me by now mentality of "the real world". I equate the real world's work life with college's student life, and as such it'd be good to keep your student and personal life seperate.
You don't need to always be complaining about class, how hard it is, how unfair the professor is. There'll always be hard classes, always be mean professors, and you'll just have to work to succeed. I personally would be the first one to admit that I need to take that advice, at least the part that you need to work to succeed, given my lackadaisical approach to most of my classes. C'mon though, I mean they're business classes, they're not particularly mentally straining. On the same token though, I understand that there are those classes that require a lot more work, and you just have to do it. Don't complain, just do it.
I know this sounds arrogant as hell, but I frequently wonder as to the maturity of the people I'm with. In particular, I'm concerned with the chasm that seems to exist between myself and my thought process, and that of others. I wouldn't dare say that my maturity is particularly beyond anyone else's (though I mean... I don't concern myself with T & A that much I'd like to think) but it seems like the approach I have to things is a particularly unique one. Crap, that makes me sound like I'm bragging, but I think it's the truth. Someone comes to me and complains about a problem that they have and I do my best to help them with it, and then they thank me and say that they must be appear to be a real wreck right now. That is to say that they're thankful that I'm willing to listen and that I'm a good friend for doing so, yadda-yadda. However, when you lookit the situation from my thought process and my perspective, I'm absolutely flattered that someone would place that much trust in me as to allow me to try and help them with their said problem.
Still though, I wonder if where I am now mentally is a place that five years from now other people will be. I wonder even if the seemingly "different" viewpoint of those around me is a common one, their thoughtlessness, their (lack of) actions, and their perceptions. I'd like to think that somewhere down the road people will start to realize what exactly their affect on others is, through words, actions, things they try to hide, all that good stuff. I really do seem to rant about those around me a lot, and I know it's probably not a good thing to do, let alone air my laundry here, but it's an issue that whole-heartedly concerns me, and one that I try my best to look around, but for the life of me can't. It all comes back to a post I had a while ago about trying to not think about something. What's ironic is that is a problem that has really, really been affecting me lately, and not just about this issue. There're other things too, ones that I won't write about here at least (or at least write about and publish). John Mayer pops into my head, singing Someday I'll fly, Someday I'll soar. Someday I'll be so damn much more. And hopefully, God willing, insha-Allah, I will be. I'm nothing right now, nothing but the foundations for something in the future, and I realize that.
I'm really trying to take things one day at a time, but my growing concern for the future, where I'll be, will I be happy, is stuff that I also have trouble putting from my mind. I'd like to say I'm happy where I am now, but frankly I'm not, which obviously may lead someone to think that I'm depressed or whatever. I'd like to call it... impatient though, impatient for the great things that I hope will happen in the future. We aspire to greatness, though created from clay, and we return to ash, and to whence we came. I've been working on something like that for a while, sounds good doesn't it? I didn't even steal that line or anything, it makes a lot of sense to me though. I'm clay right now, just going through the motions, and building into something more incredible then one would have thought possible. I understand that, and am desperately wanting for that time when I can truly be happy with myself and where I am. I wonder though if it's one of those "never truly happy" things though as well. I understand that there are a lot of those that go through life always wanting more, but I'd like to think that since I realize that... maybe I'm not headed in that direction. Maybe I just want to get married, and thats all this crap is about. Who knows, I sure don't.
Regardless, one must be rather confused as to what I'm referring to with inane conversation. There's a broad range of things that it covers, but specifically what I'm speaking about is people who find the incessant need to talk about their classes. I'm unsure as to whether there'll be some poor soul out there who thinks that this post is directly at them, but it's not directed at any specific person. The fact of the matter is though, that I don't really care that you have an exam coming up in three weeks and you're stressed about it. I've always been of the ilk that one seperates their work life and their personal life, at least in the dead-horse-like beaten into me by now mentality of "the real world". I equate the real world's work life with college's student life, and as such it'd be good to keep your student and personal life seperate.
You don't need to always be complaining about class, how hard it is, how unfair the professor is. There'll always be hard classes, always be mean professors, and you'll just have to work to succeed. I personally would be the first one to admit that I need to take that advice, at least the part that you need to work to succeed, given my lackadaisical approach to most of my classes. C'mon though, I mean they're business classes, they're not particularly mentally straining. On the same token though, I understand that there are those classes that require a lot more work, and you just have to do it. Don't complain, just do it.
I know this sounds arrogant as hell, but I frequently wonder as to the maturity of the people I'm with. In particular, I'm concerned with the chasm that seems to exist between myself and my thought process, and that of others. I wouldn't dare say that my maturity is particularly beyond anyone else's (though I mean... I don't concern myself with T & A that much I'd like to think) but it seems like the approach I have to things is a particularly unique one. Crap, that makes me sound like I'm bragging, but I think it's the truth. Someone comes to me and complains about a problem that they have and I do my best to help them with it, and then they thank me and say that they must be appear to be a real wreck right now. That is to say that they're thankful that I'm willing to listen and that I'm a good friend for doing so, yadda-yadda. However, when you lookit the situation from my thought process and my perspective, I'm absolutely flattered that someone would place that much trust in me as to allow me to try and help them with their said problem.
Still though, I wonder if where I am now mentally is a place that five years from now other people will be. I wonder even if the seemingly "different" viewpoint of those around me is a common one, their thoughtlessness, their (lack of) actions, and their perceptions. I'd like to think that somewhere down the road people will start to realize what exactly their affect on others is, through words, actions, things they try to hide, all that good stuff. I really do seem to rant about those around me a lot, and I know it's probably not a good thing to do, let alone air my laundry here, but it's an issue that whole-heartedly concerns me, and one that I try my best to look around, but for the life of me can't. It all comes back to a post I had a while ago about trying to not think about something. What's ironic is that is a problem that has really, really been affecting me lately, and not just about this issue. There're other things too, ones that I won't write about here at least (or at least write about and publish). John Mayer pops into my head, singing Someday I'll fly, Someday I'll soar. Someday I'll be so damn much more. And hopefully, God willing, insha-Allah, I will be. I'm nothing right now, nothing but the foundations for something in the future, and I realize that.
I'm really trying to take things one day at a time, but my growing concern for the future, where I'll be, will I be happy, is stuff that I also have trouble putting from my mind. I'd like to say I'm happy where I am now, but frankly I'm not, which obviously may lead someone to think that I'm depressed or whatever. I'd like to call it... impatient though, impatient for the great things that I hope will happen in the future. We aspire to greatness, though created from clay, and we return to ash, and to whence we came. I've been working on something like that for a while, sounds good doesn't it? I didn't even steal that line or anything, it makes a lot of sense to me though. I'm clay right now, just going through the motions, and building into something more incredible then one would have thought possible. I understand that, and am desperately wanting for that time when I can truly be happy with myself and where I am. I wonder though if it's one of those "never truly happy" things though as well. I understand that there are a lot of those that go through life always wanting more, but I'd like to think that since I realize that... maybe I'm not headed in that direction. Maybe I just want to get married, and thats all this crap is about. Who knows, I sure don't.
posted by Tosif at
11:00 PM
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