"Sorry man, I can't make it"

Gain a modest reputation for being unreliable and you will never be asked to do a thing.

-- Paul Theroux

This seems to be a widespread notion in the college scene. Promises don't really hold much weight, asking people for favors and them following through is a rarity at best. One thing I've come to realize at the college level is that if you want anything done right, you've got to do it yourself.

Whether its because you need them to bring a book to study, a ride home on the weekend, or someone's help with a student organization event, you can never fully expect someone to show up, without constant pandering and three or four phone calls.

I'm just as guilty of this as anyone else, last minute phone calls that say I can't make it, but that doesn't make this scathing critique any less valid.

With few exceptions, being able to depend on someone is something that I wouldn't highly recommend. I'm not quite sure why that is, but I'd definitely like to figure it out. Maybe its because they're not used to it.

I can understand that this is college, a transitionary period in our lives, where we're learning to embrace the professional world. I would definitely consider being reliable as a professional characteristic, or I guess more appropriately, being unreliable makes you come off as unprofessional. Regardless, if college was truly a transitionary period of becoming professionals, wouldn't we at least get it right some of the time?

What I mean by that is if someone is repeatedly shown to miss appointments and things of that nature, how do you make them learn? Talking to them doesn't do any good, since they'll just point out the few times when they did manage to be punctual and proper. The old homage "You can lead a horse to water" comes to mind.

Or maybe in the end it goes back to the original quote. Maybe they're all secretly aware that as long as they keep proving themselves to be unreliable, people'll stop asking them to be useful. But is that really what they want? After all, who among us really doesn't want anyone to lean on them, to be truly independent of their peers, and to be on the outside looking in? Or maybe we're all just a little too lazy. Yeah, I'm pretty sure thats it.

Contemplating the stars

Sure it sounds like a cheesy romance film, but thats exactly what I was just doing. One of the things that I think people frequently don't take nearly enough joy in, and something I really do savor, is that long walk home at night. That long, contemplative walk, whether its from the library, the engineering building, or a friend's apartment.

To be left alone with nothing but your thoughts surrounding you, that most personal of personal moments, is a unique feeling, hard to really put into words. As if it isn't already difficult enough to put into words your thoughts, to describe a feeling like that definitely is a struggle itself.

Thats kind of similar to what gets put here. Some people attempt to jot down whatever comes to mind, in the hopes of capturing their "raw intellect." I think its a little more important to write down something a bit more structured and well thought out though, so that I can actually come back a few hours down the road and have some semblance of what looks to be a logical entry, something that primarily I, and maybe as well others, can benefit from.

This thought session in particular, I'd like to say I was thinking about big things, the way the universe works, what the future holds for the human race, as thats what looking at the overwhelmingly expansive theater of the sky tends to evoke in me, but instead today, as I walked that serene path from Arbor Forest back to Marigold, all I was thinking was whether or not my roommate would be at my place, and what we'd do if he was. Quite the intellectual, eh?

Though thats what does it for me, more generally speaking, people do their best thinking in different places. For some people its in the shower (isn't that a wonderful little depiction), for some its lying in bed, and for some its on that walk home. I think everyone should attempt these little thought provoking segments once in a while though, to help sort through that ever-shifting ether that is life.

The social butterfly

Anyone who knows me knows that I'm not the most social person in the world. I was thankful for my apartment arrangement last year, being with at least two really social people, though admittedly, one of them wasn't around very often. The other one was the type to attract people to our place, and as a result I didn't have to go too far out of my way to interact with people.

This year is considerably different; Everyone is a lot more spread out, and apparently, everyone but me is a lot busier with classes. As a result, it takes a lot more effort out of me, as well as everyone else, to actually get a chance to spend time with people not my roommate.

It also comes to misfortune that this means that I have to step outside my normal group to look for friends. When I say that, I mean still within the bounds of the moz crew, since I really can't imagine myself around non-moz people again after the fun monochrome experience that was high school.

This leads me to my point: I have been hanging out with girls. That's right. Tosif Hussain Khatri HAS BEEN HANGING OUT WITH GIRLS. Whoa whoa whoa... Can you even begin to imagine the scope of how many things are wrong with this picture? At least five, probably more.

Ok, so maybe I'm overreacting a bit. But I've definitely spent more time the last two months in close proximity (like within ten feet) with the ladies than I have the last two years at college.

Sure I get pegged as the religious guy a lot more often than I care for, which in itself is wierd for me, but I don't particularly care to not do something in order to fill some false stereotype. I can definitely understand why people think its unusual, since I certainly would be the first to admit that it is, but I do enjoy the extra attention, especially since it seems like my old friends are starting to shy away from me.

Is it morally wrong? Is it really so bad? Is it my only choice for social contact? Guess I'll have to figure out what exactly it is that I want in life in order to proceed without letting that bothersome conscience getting in my way.

Listen to my story. This may be my last chance.

Salaams, and welcome to my little corner of the internet. My only valid reason for starting this is to help myself sort through this ever shifting torrent that encompasses my life. I find it interesting when I look back on conversations I've had in the past, and how I've changed since then, i.e. the things I'd say then, and how I would approach being in the same situation now. Also hopefully by providing insight on my current mindset I'll learn something to benefit myself.

I have a lot of questions, and I constantly hear how college is the time when you're supposed to discover yourself. Obviously I can't go out and do this said discovery in the "traditional" American sense, so this'll have to suffice.

I don't consider myself a particularly eloquent writer or speaker (computer science major, I'm not the family journalism major) so I don't expect this to be anything above-par, though I'll make sure to give an effort to keep it up to date, and keep interesting things on here. Moreso this is for my own reference though, so I would be slightly surprised (at the least) to learn that there are that many people interested.

Lets see what exactly it is that makes me tick, since I certainly don't know.