I think I think too much

Xangas are to online journals what MTV is to music

I think everyone has those moments in their lives where their minds just keep rapidly switching between a lot of different things. Sometimes it's because they've got a lot going on in their lives, sometimes its because they make a bigger deal of certain things then they should. I think that I may be guilty of the latter, since I'm fairly certain it isn't the former. There are a lot of people who read too much into things, and pay too much attention to little details, and I think that I may be one of those crazies.

I remember a while back I was talking with some family friend CEO of some computer company in California (which is an interesting story in itself how we managed to get in contact with each other), and one of the things he kept mentioning was that in order to succeed in the "real world", you need what are called soft skills. This is operating on the logic that everyone comes into the working world with at least similar technical skills, or hard skills, for the job, whether they're programming skills, accounting skills, whatever. What seperates the good from the bad and the ugly is those other skills, like whether or not you're good at interacting with people, whether you can explain things well, and how much attention to detail you pay. Those are the soft skills.

While he wasn't directly responsible, he did bring up a valid point in that attention to detail is an admirable characteristic. I may have taken it too far though. I've always been slightly neurotic in the sense that I liked everything set up a specific certain way, or that I want a certain specific item. For example, I'm a bit of a neat freak, which seems to collide interestingly with my slightly more sloppy roommate (slightly being an understatement). Its created a few interesting little sitcom-ish moments, complete with the wierd disembodied laughing audience and all.

Regardless, I also have a specific way I want my computer set up, which programs are and aren't running, and I have my routine of turning on my computer down to a science (Hah, little pun, computer science kids), always going in the same order of programs that I open:

1. AOL Instant Messenger
2. Microsoft Outlook
3. Winamp
4. Mozilla Firefox

Every single time. Every single time. Always in that order. Sure these little neuroticisms don't seem like much, but they add up rather quickly, and it irks me, to say the least. Recently though, the focus of my excessive-compulsive habits has been item one in that list, namely AOL Instant Messenger. All sorts of little oddities punctuate my routine with the popular e-text client, but the point is that I've seemingly become obsessed with it.

I've been reading into it too much lately, thinking about it too much. Lets say I get on and after a few minutes no one's IM'd me, I start to panic. Did I do something wrong? No one likes me? I'm unapproachable? Or for example if I initiate the conversation and don't get a response, the same thoughts flash through my head. Am I annoying this person? Maybe they're in the middle of something important. The worst is leaving up an away message, which allows for people to IM you, even when you're not at your computer. Coming back after having been out for a few hours and seeing no messages for me while I'm away, that's a depressing situation in itself. Must be similar to how people felt when they came back and didn't have any answering machines. Ah answering machines, those were the days.

What's worse now though is that I've fallen under peer pressure to join a popular college e-community, Facebook. I'm holding out for now, though it feels like most of the people I know are on the site by this point. I think I realize that if I join it, I'll waste even more time with that then I already do on AIM. And that's a very real possibility, as close friends of mine who used to be considerably more productive are starting to lose their edge, all because they spend hours upon hours "writing on people's walls", looking at other's online photo-albums, and perusing their friends lists, when they should be studying for that exam twelve hours down the road. Take a computer junkie who already spends so much time doing "work" on his computer, in addition to the actual work I need to do, and mix in a dangerously contagious element like Facebook? You're cruising for a bruising brother.

I used to be adamantly against any sort of online social site/program, i.e. friendster, Naseeb, match.com, xangas, blogs, livejournals, Facebook, and to a certain degree I still am, which makes it seem all the more hypocritical that here I am writing in one. I hated the attention whore-ish tendencies that came with starting an online journal designed for viewing by others, something to scream out "lookit me! I'm deep and emotional too! lolol look at my cute pix!" and thought it was all a waste of time.

I see now though there's at least some merit to some online journals, particularly the ones that are concerned with more then just "I went to class today, then went to my friend's, then we partied." An analogy I put towards a friend a while back was that xangas, which often tend to end up like the above mentioned statement, are to online journals what MTV is to music. I'll leave it to whoever to interpret it, but it sounded appropriate. I got it from a Lewis Black stand-up a long time ago, though he was talking about KFC and chicken, not xangas.

I can see the merit in something like Facebook too, especially for those that excel socially, and need something a little more visual to be able to keep track of their expansive networks, and I can see that Facebook itself could make a powerful tool for meeting new people. I don't think I'm necessarily that desperate to meet new people yet, but who knows?

In the end, there's a strong possibility that I'm just trying to go against the grain, and refusing to buy into the hype. Trying to be different, just like everyone else. All I need now is a twenty dollar t-shirt from hot topic, ugly long rocker hair, and safety pins all over my jeans, and I'll really be sticking it to the man. God it's like High School all over again. Hardcore.