Oh Sari Raat Socha Che Lang Jaaye

What the hell? Punjabi? Yeah that's right. Its from a Stereo Nation song called Ishq, the most cliched title for a desi movie/song/random form of entertainment. It's a general rule of thumb that you can't have a desi title without one of the following words in it: Dil, Pyar, or Ishq. Likewise, you can't be a desi/moz girl and have a screenname that doesn't have the word princess, desi, 786, or chick in it. Yeah I'm looking at you DesiPrincessClicheChick786, I know she's probably reading this right now. The lyric translates to "they will spend all night thinking." The relevance it has here is that that's a problem I have, and that I'm assuming a lot of people have.

How do you get yourself to stop thinking about something? How do you distract your mind from something that's so totally obsessed you, even though you know you shouldn't be thinking so much about it? Don't worry folks, it's not drugs, or sex, or even really rock n' roll. Well... maybe it is rock n' roll, but theres nothing really wrong with that. What I'm referring to instead is when you're sitting and trying to get some studying done, but you just can't concentrate on the material at hand. Granted, the subject matter may not be the most exciting topic in the world, but to waste so much time and be so unable to focus says that you may need to do something about it.

I have an exam in about twelve hours... I still have two chapters worth of reading to do... yet here I am typing away. I've learned that writing here helps a little bit at least, because there have been a few occasions when its been like... 2-3 A.M., I'm lying in bed unable to go to sleep, and my roommate isn't around to talk to (not that he ever is), and so instead of sitting with my thoughts, I vomit them into the pail that is my blog. After a good ol' mental hurl, I'm spent and able to get a slightly more fit night of rest. Maybe I'm mentally bulimic. Keep consuming knowledge, only to regurgitate it later. That must be how I maintain my figure. Hmm.. well actually, under the assumption that consuming knowledge and regurgitating it later makes you mentally bulimic, that'd mean every cramming college student in existence is the equivalent of a binge eater, and which in turn would also mean that those high school/college dropouts are mentally anorexic? Interesting thoughts indeed...

Most of the times what I say here is really depressing sounding, and I find myself repeatedly reassuring my oh so large and loyal fanbase that I'm not particularly depressed. Nabil says that if I was really that depressed, I wouldn't be able to make fun of myself that much about it. That's fine with me, it's good to be able to laugh at yourself, and we all have sad days, and happy days. I'm a morning person to begin with, so in general I'm a lot happier in the morning then I am in the evening. That's probably part of it too, since looking at most of the post times, they're somewhere between like... midnight and 4 A.M.

I'm not quite sure who I'm trying to convince with those statements though, myself or otherwise, but either way, it's not something I try and dwell on (as I think I've said before.) Dwelling on sadness only breeds sadness and self-pity, neither of which I'm particularly fond of. Back to the point at hand though, frankly, thinking too much is bad. Overthinking is bad as well. I tend to do both. Maybe short, five or six word sentences will help. Maybe not. Let's try and write like this. The more periods, the better. Now I'm just babbling. I need to make some music references. I only made one so far. Um... how about Jimmy Eat World - The Middle?

Hey, don't write yourself off yet
It's only in your head you feel left out or
looked down on.
Just try your best, try everything you can.
And don't you worry what they tell themselves when you're away.

Eh, it works pretty well. Ahaha, Work! thats another Jimmy Eat World song. I'm still babbling. So incoherent. That word is too big. Ok I'm done. I think I'll elaborate on that point I so horribly strayed from, the how-to-stop-thinking thing later.

Solace

Arguments have always been a particularly mentally draining facet of conversation that I've always tried to avoid, and that people everywhere usually try to avoid, so it's not something unique to me at all. It's also a very jarring and battering experience for one, especially when the arguments hold a lot of emotion. The list of things that can inspire that kind of emotion ranges from person to person. At the end of this though, when the parties don't walk away reconciled, which is usually the case, its even more of an intellectual strain.

It was one of those days today, emotionally charged, emotionally draining, and yet I'm sitting here at 2 A.M. writing about it, which I'm sure isn't too much of a help. It's good though to write these kind of things down, when you feel like you get pushed to a certain point. The goal for all this seemingly random babbling though is that to recover from all this, you need some kind of solace. It was really cool that I actually just happened to stumble upon a quote that has to do exactly with this, that said

My heart, which is so full to overflowing, has often been solaced and refreshed by music when sick and weary.

-- Martin Luther

I know I've talked more then enough about how important music is to me, but in this case music really isn't providing that release that I want. It's just making me more contemplative, brooding, mulling over in my head the conversations that went on today. Something people always teach you is that you should never regret or second guess what you've done, (something I know I've done plenty of lately) because regret is something that you can't necessarily take away. Once it's there, it's there. And for that reason, you're supposed to just, as The All American Rejects put it, Move Along, even when everything is wrong.

I wish though that I had some other form of release. It's come to my conclusion that what I'm writing here serves as a sort of release, something I don't mind, but there are those days when you just want to vent, when you want to go into the specifics, even though I'm more then aware of how wrong it is to go into specifics. I won't do that here either, to save my ownself.

So battered, beating, exhausted, all the other words that I can use to garner some semblance of faux-sympathy, we Move Along. Because when all is said and done, it's just another rough day, nothing more, nothing less. If only I had a little more solace to make it a little easier. I'll find it someday I'm sure. Unlike the rejects, I'm happy to say that the line "even when your hope is gone" doesn't apply to me. Another day, another sunrise, another bowl of rice krispies. Yeah, that's something a rocker like me should look forward to... those beautiful rice krispies.