Springtime musings

I'm sitting here in the library, had a rough day, and while I should be studying, what else do I choose to do then sit here and write down my thoughts. I look out the window, and my immediate observation is the torrential downpour that has been surging it's way through Lansing today. I've gotten lucky and missed most of it walking between class, work, and the library, but sitting here viewing the rain out the window it makes you think. There are analogies with the rain that you can draw, how it resembles life, moving so fast one minute, slow the next, coming down on you in a dredge of wishy washy depression, or light, peppering you and keeping you awake, making you feel alive. It's all about perspective, a very sorely missed and not frequently enough implemented idea.

Everyone views things through their own rose colored glasses, and I think I've talked about this before, but I think I'm starting to get better at seeing beauty in things. If not beauty, at least I see symbolism in a lot more things. Sure most of it doesn't really matter, but it is interesting being able to attribute humanistic characteristics to just about everything.

Like right now I look out the window of 1-west and I see Beumont Tower, the library fountain (which is only on in the summer, coincidentally when most people aren't on campus), and the walkway that leads through the grassy section north of the library to the union. The walkway, shrouded with all matter of trees arching over and hanging its branches and littered with all sorts of little puddles, as the rain beats down, creating those cool little plip-plop ripples. Ripple Effect indeed.

But you can attribute more then just that to all these things. The fountain, rising up in the sky, could resemble the human spirit, rising and soaring above the common water that surrounds it. It could symbolize defiance, against the pouring, incessantly pounding rain, another characteristic of the human spirit. It could symbolize how hard in life we strive to reach higher, but in the end just return to the ash/dust/puddle/etc that we came from. (On this note I've never been one to glorify the concept of "the human spirit" or whatever, lest I learn to love humans a wee bit too much). The walkway could symbolize the journey, the trees guarding against the rain could resemble our parents, our religion, our friends, anything that we feel shields us from harm. Beumont Tower? Time passing, a reminder of where this university, where knowledge, where we came from. To remind us to be humble, to remind us to strive for greatness.

People speak about how they go on amazing adventures and go through all sorts of difficulties to seek inspiration. But it is no where farther then simply looking out the window. I'm a whole hearted believer that there is a degree of beauty in just about everything (just about, I'll play it safe and say I'm sure there are exceptions to the rule), but existence, life, everything we know is art. We should strive to make everything we do a form of art, a form of expression. Spring is a great time of year (not my favorite mind you, I've always been more of a "winter"), but there is a certain semblance of magic in the air. Just walking around in great weather brings a smile to my face, and turns my thoughts from sadder ones to happier ones. Seeking happiness in simple things is a lot easier then seeking happiness in complex, hard things that you have to work for, and while I'm not saying we shouldn't strive for happiness in those difficult things, in achieving and doing difficult things, we should also remember the way things are when they're simpler. Simple and Clean. It's an annoying video game J-Pop song, but it's really good. It's a great life lesson too. Life is more enjoyable, and generally easier, when things are simple, and clean. Try to reflect that in your life and you may learn a thing or two.

Hmm, at least the rain is letting up a little bit... Now to wait for Shafi to get here so I can go to Red Robin's and get a frickin sweet sandwich and those gorgeous, endless, seasoned fries. And the freckle-ade? Don't even get me started. Maybe my next set of musings should be on what life would be like without boca substitute... The very thought makes me cringe.

Desperately Wanting

Inane conversation annoys me. I realize it's significance to life, but sometimes I just don't want to hear it. On the same token, I think at times I would prefer that same useless banter that people so frequently spew, as opposed to the odd silence. Odd silences annoy me, to say the least, and I frequently find myself "small-talking" as they call it, if only to avoid the coming awkward silence. This hearkens back to my rant about conversation and how bad I think I am at it, but I also don't think that I'm exactly in the presence of linguistic masterminds. Is that what you would call someone that's real good at conversation?

Regardless, one must be rather confused as to what I'm referring to with inane conversation. There's a broad range of things that it covers, but specifically what I'm speaking about is people who find the incessant need to talk about their classes. I'm unsure as to whether there'll be some poor soul out there who thinks that this post is directly at them, but it's not directed at any specific person. The fact of the matter is though, that I don't really care that you have an exam coming up in three weeks and you're stressed about it. I've always been of the ilk that one seperates their work life and their personal life, at least in the dead-horse-like beaten into me by now mentality of "the real world". I equate the real world's work life with college's student life, and as such it'd be good to keep your student and personal life seperate.

You don't need to always be complaining about class, how hard it is, how unfair the professor is. There'll always be hard classes, always be mean professors, and you'll just have to work to succeed. I personally would be the first one to admit that I need to take that advice, at least the part that you need to work to succeed, given my lackadaisical approach to most of my classes. C'mon though, I mean they're business classes, they're not particularly mentally straining. On the same token though, I understand that there are those classes that require a lot more work, and you just have to do it. Don't complain, just do it.

I know this sounds arrogant as hell, but I frequently wonder as to the maturity of the people I'm with. In particular, I'm concerned with the chasm that seems to exist between myself and my thought process, and that of others. I wouldn't dare say that my maturity is particularly beyond anyone else's (though I mean... I don't concern myself with T & A that much I'd like to think) but it seems like the approach I have to things is a particularly unique one. Crap, that makes me sound like I'm bragging, but I think it's the truth. Someone comes to me and complains about a problem that they have and I do my best to help them with it, and then they thank me and say that they must be appear to be a real wreck right now. That is to say that they're thankful that I'm willing to listen and that I'm a good friend for doing so, yadda-yadda. However, when you lookit the situation from my thought process and my perspective, I'm absolutely flattered that someone would place that much trust in me as to allow me to try and help them with their said problem.

Still though, I wonder if where I am now mentally is a place that five years from now other people will be. I wonder even if the seemingly "different" viewpoint of those around me is a common one, their thoughtlessness, their (lack of) actions, and their perceptions. I'd like to think that somewhere down the road people will start to realize what exactly their affect on others is, through words, actions, things they try to hide, all that good stuff. I really do seem to rant about those around me a lot, and I know it's probably not a good thing to do, let alone air my laundry here, but it's an issue that whole-heartedly concerns me, and one that I try my best to look around, but for the life of me can't. It all comes back to a post I had a while ago about trying to not think about something. What's ironic is that is a problem that has really, really been affecting me lately, and not just about this issue. There're other things too, ones that I won't write about here at least (or at least write about and publish). John Mayer pops into my head, singing Someday I'll fly, Someday I'll soar. Someday I'll be so damn much more. And hopefully, God willing, insha-Allah, I will be. I'm nothing right now, nothing but the foundations for something in the future, and I realize that.

I'm really trying to take things one day at a time, but my growing concern for the future, where I'll be, will I be happy, is stuff that I also have trouble putting from my mind. I'd like to say I'm happy where I am now, but frankly I'm not, which obviously may lead someone to think that I'm depressed or whatever. I'd like to call it... impatient though, impatient for the great things that I hope will happen in the future. We aspire to greatness, though created from clay, and we return to ash, and to whence we came. I've been working on something like that for a while, sounds good doesn't it? I didn't even steal that line or anything, it makes a lot of sense to me though. I'm clay right now, just going through the motions, and building into something more incredible then one would have thought possible. I understand that, and am desperately wanting for that time when I can truly be happy with myself and where I am. I wonder though if it's one of those "never truly happy" things though as well. I understand that there are a lot of those that go through life always wanting more, but I'd like to think that since I realize that... maybe I'm not headed in that direction. Maybe I just want to get married, and thats all this crap is about. Who knows, I sure don't.

On Apologies

One of the beefs I have with a lot of people is that they are immune to the ideology that they could possibly be incorrect about something. People unfortunately go into a discussion, a discourse, an argument, with very set notions on whatever the issue is. Casually, or formally, for one to admit they're wrong in something, or that the other point could possibly possess an ounce of validity, is a very rare characteristic exhibited by far too few people in this world.

While I'd like to think that this quality is something that dies down as one gets older, matures, learns better how to interact with other people and their opinions, it's fairly evident by many of the older uncles and aunties we got running around in our communities that its a very stubborn, bull-headed attitude for very stubborn, bull-headed people.

The inabiity to apologize, and the tendency to be stubborn are qualities that go hand in hand, but neither is a positive trait to possess. America admires Bush for his unwavering, iron-clad attitude to not change, to "pursue evil wherever it hides" or something jazzy sounding like that. I hate how people think you can split everything up into good and bad or black and white, there are too many shades of gray in the middle. This isn't Star Wars that we're living in (though that is one of the drawing factors of Star Wars, that there is a clearly defined line between good and evil), but thats a rant for another day I guess. The fact of the matter is is that if you're stubborn, you should be willing to change. People always say marriage is a series of compromises, so I wonder what Bush's marriage life is like...

Regardless, I'm not trying to say that one shouldn't have faith in whatever they're talking to someone about. But there is no point to educated discourse, if thats what your goal is, if you don't approach an issue, any issue, with a willing-ness to listen. Now some may define a willingness to listen as being so incredibly gracious as to allow the other person to speak, but there's more to it. You can't go into an argument always thinking you're right, there has to be a fine line between conviction in what you think is right, and allowing for room for other viewpoints. Some may think that this is a dangerous outlook to hold, especially when it comes to certain supposedly cut and dry issues, like things with religion, but for that I really don't have an answer. It differs from individual to individual I'd have to say, as everything else pretty much does (Yeah I know I'm taking the easy way out on this one).

Back to what I was saying originally, I think we'd be a lot better off in life if people were more willing to apologize. As men we're taught to be unwavering, to be tough, rough, unapologetic, and not ask for directions along the way. That's really a chauvanistic approach, and one that I hope'll change with time. Though... expecting the entire makeup of the male psyche to change? Just may be asking a bit too much. It's not an exclusive thing to men though, it's just I have a lot more experience with unapologetic, always thinking they're right males then I do with the opposite. Can't really think of any good song lyrics that sum up how I feel about it... Must be finals taking a toll. Yeah right, as if these introductory business classes are really giving me that much stress. I can't even think of a good final smart-ass sentence to end on. Just go out and apologize more for things you even have the remotest doubt that you may have done wrong, people may actually think you care.