All I need is just to hear a song I know
The title of this post has a significant meaning to me, for several reasons; The first is that it's a line from one of my favorite songs, Praise Chorus by Jimmy Eat World. Downloading and listening to this song (Not that I condone the illegal piracy of said music...) may aid one in better understanding this post.
I'm sitting here in the computer center while I write this post, having not had any sort of human contact for about three hours at this point. To be frank, it's a bummer. I usually will sit around and do homework for a bit, then check to see if there are people on AIM to chat it up with. That's usually a mistake. Because as soon as AIM loads up, there pretty much goes an hour of my time. That hour I spent isn't because I'm having productive, meaningful conversations with between five and ten people, but instead because I'm asking people "how their day went." I've recently begun to see the cliche swelling in that phrase, and I'm beginning to wonder if people can actually go their whole lives asking that SAME question every day, over and over again, to however many people they choose to interact with. The fact of the matter is it becomes boring very quickly. I think at the end of the day people have trouble remaining particularly interesting, most people just aren't dynamic enough and spend too much time with each other to be able to maintain that interesting-ness. The notion that absence makes the heart grow fonder is a very true one then, if spending too much time with the same people makes life boring, and it does.
Back to AIM, it's the second reason for the title of this post. When I hear that phrase, "All I need", it tells me that what they are asking for is so little. And it's much the same way with me. I don't really want too much, I just want for someone to make the first move, the hello before I make it. I'm jealous of how when certain friends of mine sign on, they're almost immediately met by a hello, or two, or even three. What that means is that these people care so much about you that even when you walk into the "online" room, they want to speak with you immediately. That almost never, if ever happens to me, and I'm jealous of that, while they take it for granted, citing how annoying individual A, or individual B is for striking up a conversation as soon as they see that the person is available to talk. I don't like being the one to proactively say hello, not because I'm lazy or don't care to talk to the person, but instead because I'm afraid of being that annoying person no one wants to talk with. I'm afraid people take my online presence, (as ubiquitous and common as it is) for granted, and I really would like for that to change, which I could do my cutting down on the time I spend. Or maybe if I just started getting a hello now and agaain. All I need is just to hear a song I know.
This same notion applies in real life though. Many people, myself included, don't like having to invite themselves along on trips/adventures/excursions, but many times thats the only way to go. At the end of the day, people (at least the people I know) don't care enough to make the first effort to let you know something small and spontaneous is going on. To expect a phone call or an invitation or for someone to be thinking about you when you're not there is usually expecting too much of them is what I've found out in experiences here. I wish more people realized that, and attempted to be more thoughtful and inclusive in their actions. All I need is just to hear a song I know.
The third reason for titling this I've already blogged about before. It's no secret that I don't feel like I get along with many of the people here at State. As much as I try, we just have different foci, different interests, and at the end of the day it kind of sucks. I guess it's unrealistic to expect to be able to find someone that really has THAT much in common with you, but it's kind of disheartening when you first meet someone and find out they have a few things in common with you, i.e. music (sense a trend with this music thing?), or movies, only to find out that these people also drastically differ from you in so many respects, i.e. what seems to happen to me the most, religiously, and it kind of makes you feel lonely. The best I can do is to hope on to the little that I do have in common. All I need is to hear a song I know.
I feel like I have to make the reassurance that I'm not going to go cut myself lonely, but it really does suck that I feel like I have so little in common with everyone I know. It's cliched to feel left out for stupid reasons, and I at least have that much in common with most people; I'm different, just like everyone else. My roommate's brother says that I just think too much about these things, and that I'm over-analyzing a lot of these situations. He's probably right, as I could probably list a handful of examples of where that seems to really fit the bill, like the fact that I get annoyed when people respond slowly to me on AIM, because then it makes me think that they've got a lot of other conversations going on, while I'm sitting there staring at my two windows waiting for them to respond. AIM in general is a really unhealthy habit, one that I whole heartedly wish I didn't spend as much time as I do on, as I don't think it's really helping my social life, like at all. It's now 10:30 P.M., and I haven't gotten a single IM in over an hour. Sigh, it's ironic then that the last line I heard was the guy from the all american rejects yelling "Speak to me!" The other great irony is that re-listening to the song, the first few lines of the song just made a lot more sense to me:
I'm sitting here in the computer center while I write this post, having not had any sort of human contact for about three hours at this point. To be frank, it's a bummer. I usually will sit around and do homework for a bit, then check to see if there are people on AIM to chat it up with. That's usually a mistake. Because as soon as AIM loads up, there pretty much goes an hour of my time. That hour I spent isn't because I'm having productive, meaningful conversations with between five and ten people, but instead because I'm asking people "how their day went." I've recently begun to see the cliche swelling in that phrase, and I'm beginning to wonder if people can actually go their whole lives asking that SAME question every day, over and over again, to however many people they choose to interact with. The fact of the matter is it becomes boring very quickly. I think at the end of the day people have trouble remaining particularly interesting, most people just aren't dynamic enough and spend too much time with each other to be able to maintain that interesting-ness. The notion that absence makes the heart grow fonder is a very true one then, if spending too much time with the same people makes life boring, and it does.
Back to AIM, it's the second reason for the title of this post. When I hear that phrase, "All I need", it tells me that what they are asking for is so little. And it's much the same way with me. I don't really want too much, I just want for someone to make the first move, the hello before I make it. I'm jealous of how when certain friends of mine sign on, they're almost immediately met by a hello, or two, or even three. What that means is that these people care so much about you that even when you walk into the "online" room, they want to speak with you immediately. That almost never, if ever happens to me, and I'm jealous of that, while they take it for granted, citing how annoying individual A, or individual B is for striking up a conversation as soon as they see that the person is available to talk. I don't like being the one to proactively say hello, not because I'm lazy or don't care to talk to the person, but instead because I'm afraid of being that annoying person no one wants to talk with. I'm afraid people take my online presence, (as ubiquitous and common as it is) for granted, and I really would like for that to change, which I could do my cutting down on the time I spend. Or maybe if I just started getting a hello now and agaain. All I need is just to hear a song I know.
This same notion applies in real life though. Many people, myself included, don't like having to invite themselves along on trips/adventures/excursions, but many times thats the only way to go. At the end of the day, people (at least the people I know) don't care enough to make the first effort to let you know something small and spontaneous is going on. To expect a phone call or an invitation or for someone to be thinking about you when you're not there is usually expecting too much of them is what I've found out in experiences here. I wish more people realized that, and attempted to be more thoughtful and inclusive in their actions. All I need is just to hear a song I know.
The third reason for titling this I've already blogged about before. It's no secret that I don't feel like I get along with many of the people here at State. As much as I try, we just have different foci, different interests, and at the end of the day it kind of sucks. I guess it's unrealistic to expect to be able to find someone that really has THAT much in common with you, but it's kind of disheartening when you first meet someone and find out they have a few things in common with you, i.e. music (sense a trend with this music thing?), or movies, only to find out that these people also drastically differ from you in so many respects, i.e. what seems to happen to me the most, religiously, and it kind of makes you feel lonely. The best I can do is to hope on to the little that I do have in common. All I need is to hear a song I know.
I feel like I have to make the reassurance that I'm not going to go cut myself lonely, but it really does suck that I feel like I have so little in common with everyone I know. It's cliched to feel left out for stupid reasons, and I at least have that much in common with most people; I'm different, just like everyone else. My roommate's brother says that I just think too much about these things, and that I'm over-analyzing a lot of these situations. He's probably right, as I could probably list a handful of examples of where that seems to really fit the bill, like the fact that I get annoyed when people respond slowly to me on AIM, because then it makes me think that they've got a lot of other conversations going on, while I'm sitting there staring at my two windows waiting for them to respond. AIM in general is a really unhealthy habit, one that I whole heartedly wish I didn't spend as much time as I do on, as I don't think it's really helping my social life, like at all. It's now 10:30 P.M., and I haven't gotten a single IM in over an hour. Sigh, it's ironic then that the last line I heard was the guy from the all american rejects yelling "Speak to me!" The other great irony is that re-listening to the song, the first few lines of the song just made a lot more sense to me:
Are you gonna live your life wonderin' standing in the backI may not 25 yet, but I don't want to wait for it. I'm on my feet, I'm on the floor, I'm good to go. Now all I need is just to hear a song I know.
lookin' around?
Are you gonna waste your time thinkin' how you've grown up or
how you missed out?
Things are never gonna be the way you want.
Where's it gonna get you acting serious?
Things are never gonna be quite what you want.
Or even at 25, you gotta start sometime.
posted by Tosif at
9:49 PM
3 Comments:
<786> I'm sure there are plenty of people out there who have similar interests in, and that you get along with. [/786]
By
Anonymous, at 8:20 PM
GET OFF AIM AND SOCIALIZE FOR REAL
By
Anonymous, at 8:21 AM
got ur link of shabina's blog,read quite a bit of urs and found it intresting,i don't usually comment on peopl'es blogs but thought i have 2 on this 1. reason being U HAVE LOW SELF ESTEEM!! (jus read the 1 about whr u thought/think outside force was the reason u had friends as a kid) basically i know loads of ppl with the same intrests as u...but they also get out thr and intract. so here's a few ways u could do this:
1) join ur MSA, islamic socity, ANY SOCITY for that matter.
2) if ppl aren't inviting u along u invite ppl along 2 c a film or something,what do u have 2 lose?
3) talk 2 the people in ur lectures at uni!
4) carry on blogging!its quite intresting,and u defintly are NOT a fake,coz fakers wouldn't say the things u say.
5) can't think of anything else its late here in the UK so im of 2 bed
By
Anonymous, at 6:43 PM
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