Don't Look back in Anger

It's been a rather depressing past few weeks for me. I'm not quite sure, but all the little things have gradually started to get to me. I haven't updated in a long while, mainly because I've been busy most nights with MSA stuff, as we had our annual dinner last Friday.

First a description of the dinner. The turnout was really good, 434 people, and 51 children. We had a children's program, the venue was really great, we didn't run out of food, the MCs weren't really funny, Siraj Wahaj was really good, poetry slam was pretty bad, skits were alright though I was in pretty much all of them, and I think that looks bad, since I was supposed to be in charge of them, but I couldn't even get other people besides the regular crew to be in them. To be fair, the computer we were editing skits on crashed the day of, so the guy editing threw the skit together in about a four hour span, but he pulled it off and it went rather well given the circumstances. I had to interact with a lot of girls during the course of the dinner (OH GOD) and towards the end I had a talk with one of the girls that I had promised to talk to earlier in the day. We were outside on the balcony (in plain view duh) and my dad walked in (our out rather) to tell me they were leaving. He didn't say anything, and I don't think he'll even mention it any further, but it got me to thinking that maybe I cared about this guy/girl issue even more then they did. Overall it was a good time though.

Now on to other issues. Today was a really bad and depressing day for me. Nothing particularly bad happened to me, but I think that that's what the problem was. Nothing at all happened to me today. I only have one class Tuesdays, and work at night, so I usually hang out in between, but today absolutely nothing happened. I sat in my apartment until 6:00 P.M. and just studied. I didn't get a single IM, I visited one friend for a grand total of five minutes, and I said no more then ten words to my roommate when he got back later in the day. Sure he had plenty to say, with the incessant phone calls he was getting from people with whom he was coordinating a surprise birthday party for one of the girls, but not to me. It was one of those "nobody loves me" moments. That's really depressing, especially when you couple it with the whole being in the apartment all day portion.

The other thing I wanted to vent on was a miscellaneous individual who shall remain nameless. I don't know if it constitutes backbiting to put my thoughts on him/her in a personal journal, but I guess I'll have a little bit of dead brother/sister flesh between my teeth if that's the case. From now on I'll simply refer to this person as a guy, too much effort putting that /her afterwards.

I used to think apathy was cool. I used to think that if you didn't care about anything around you, if you just lived your life with utter disregard for those around you, if you didn't listen to anyone else, their criticisms (constructive or otherwise) that you knew what you were doing. I've learned through my good buddy that that may not be so true after all. See, here's the thing: This person gets a reputation for being "mad chill." That's exactly how everyone I know describes him. "Mad chill." He doesn't care about anything, anyone, he just live his life and people flock to him. He doesn't understand the meaning of the word thoughtful, let alone grasp it well enough to make a thoughtful gesture here and there, or appreciate one in return. I don't understand why so many people take the first effort to spend time with this guy. While I love him to death, he's not a particularly good conversationalist (not that I am either), he's not really reliable to do things on time, and he's probably one of the laziest, if not the laziest, people I know.

But at the end of the day, people flock to him, and I can't understand why. I'm happy for him, because he's a lot like me in the respect that if people don't make the effort to spend time with him, he doesn't make an effort to spend time with them. That's not good obviously, but it works a lot better for him then it does for me. It frustrates me that someone who has such disregard for and is so seemingly devoid of human emotion nonetheless maintains such a large rabid following.

To be fair, he only acts this way around guys. And his rather rabid following, is all girls. That's right, he's the type of guy that is devoid of human life around guys, but the moment a girl enters the room, BAM, he's all over them. I'm fairly sure he never took a class on touching etiquette, given the way he treats them. Pokes, hugs, tugs, pulls, its all good, regardless of whether or not the girl rocks a hood. Does it sit well with me? No, but do I have a say in the matter? No, because remember, when it comes to guys, this person is absolutely apathetic to what they have to say. I hear and read about how women always have complaints about double standards, how they don't get treated fairly, and they're right majority of the time, they don't get fair treatment, and it isn't fair. Well here's a double standard that I don't think gets enough attention.

The way this guy acts you can extend to a much larger portion of guys. I absolutely do not think its fair that guys suddenly change their mannerisms as soon as something with boobs enters the room. They go from being total idiots, talking about how hawt this girl or that girl is, to suddenly being suave, sophisticated, witty and charming idiots. It's almost like I don't know which one is the real guy. I hate that just about all those around me do this, change the way they act to try and impress someone, it's fake, and I hate it. Did I already say that?

I don't expect that one can act the same way around each gender, but to have such a drastic change also seems rather suspect. I've definitely learned a lot since Tosif 2.0 came out, a lot that's upset me, but as Oasis put it, Don't Look Back in Anger, and I intend to follow that advice. Sally can wait.